Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
