I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
