____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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