$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize