i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
