my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
only you would photoshop your dick
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
