Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
