The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize