Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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