I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize
