I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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