You really coming over, don't trick.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
