He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
