She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
