Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize