nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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