so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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