while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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