think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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