Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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