well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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