Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
