I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
