3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
