they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize