oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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