Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
