oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
