just come out here and I will go home with you...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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