I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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