I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
