lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
