normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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