I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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