Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
