like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize