his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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