gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
