We're like a lot better than the average bears
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize