Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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