you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
