Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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