shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
