THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
