Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
