She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
