I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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