WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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