thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
