can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize