i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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