I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
