Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
