Pants 0. Shit 1.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
