You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
