please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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