DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
