If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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