her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
