Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
