Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
