happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize