you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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