Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
