Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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