So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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