I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
