You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
