He is such a slut. More and more my type.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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