he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We smell like vodka and hangover
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