Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
