So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
