I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
