the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
