You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize