it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
