Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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