if only i could text you this smell
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
