Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
