just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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