sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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