there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize