He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize