I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
