awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
