I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Operation Purity has been aborted
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
