Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
