you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
so much tequila, so little girl.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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