Grow some girl-balls and come out already
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
