i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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