this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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