I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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