Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
