The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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