that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
