matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize